badhack

Bless his hairy arse

2006-07-13T17:02:00.000+01:00

The PR Monkey has given old Mr Bad Hack a plug (in fact, two).

I'm happy to stick the stories up as long as you, the British public, send them in.

Kewney v. Goma...who's your money on?

2006-05-18T16:45:00.000+01:00

First of all, my apologies...Mr Bad Hack's been away; the following post was sent a couple of days ago.

So the hee-hee-larious guy Kewney episode has a darker side. Now that he's won oblique worldwide fame (albeit for not appearing on a TV programme) Guy Kewney is desperately lapping up the attention and posting articles that say he admires Guy Goma, the man who inadvertantly took his place:

"Watch his incredible recovery, and his determination to show that this may be a complete surprise to him, but that he can out-Kewney any darned NewsWireless Editor if he has to."

But in his initial post on his newswireless.net website Kewney was furious about the mix-up and said that unlike Guy Goma he wasn't an "ignoramous" who "cant speak english". He also stressed many times to (un)comic effect that he wasn't black, and mused that he should maybe sue the BBC for denying him his moment of fame.

Typical behaviour from this most miserable of hacks? Has anyone got any good Kewney stories that prove otherwise or provide more evidence of cantankerous behaviour?

As one of the people on Guy Kewney's cheap'n'cheerful site's newswireless.net message board so succinctly put it: "Reguardless of your backtracking now Guy Kewney, you are still a prize dickhead."

Over the edge

2006-04-06T09:06:00.000+01:00

A while back I had the misfortune of having to pitch to the rather small UK Call Centre press. It was one of those things – when I saw a Call Centre publication people were taking the piss out of on Have I Got News For You I considered, once again, a career change but no matter.
The hack in question, a writer for one of theleading call centre pubs in the space (with a bit of a continental focus – draw your own conclusions) had committed to a briefing with my client some weeks previously. Given his obvious unreliability, I had confirmed this several times and foolishly assumed that all was well. It wasn’t.
On my final chase before the date, I made the mistake of calling again. Oh dear. The hack had an intoxicated nervous breakdown at me, revealing many personal issues in which I was wholly uninterested for nearly half an hour. Holding back laughter, I IMed my Ad who quite correctly suggested that I ‘go with the mood’.
I was able to extricate myself from the insane monologue in question by saying, ‘Yes, I can tell youare unwell. Best to tell them you are ill and can’t make the briefing’ and left it at that. Can’t think of a better training exercise.

Split personality

2006-03-31T10:48:00.000+01:00

I am writing to you as I am very concerned about the mental health of a senior, veteran technology hack. I am witnessing signs of multiple personalities and wonder if he might need to seek help?

This seasoned IT freelance hack has a well known reputation amongst the PR fraternity as being ‘Mr Nasty’ - unnecessarily miserable and incredibly rude. For years, he has hung up on and shouted at both experienced and junior PRs alike. We’ve all become used to Mr Nasty, his bad manners and un-professionalism, however recently he’s started to show signs of instability. First of all, I just thought it was a change for the better. This hack developed a second personality – Mr Nice.

He started sending PR’s polite emails and even an invite to a party – where he was paying for the food and drink. What a nice chap, I thought. Perhaps he’s feeling repentant? Or perhaps he is so happy that he’s launched a training company for PR people that he just can’t keep his happiness to himself? Either way, who am I to be cynical about it? I embraced this new found loving.

But, just as there was me getting used to Mr Nice, up pops Mr Nasty again yesterday (30 March) on UK Press, ranting about some poor PR agency (no I don’t work for them) and calling it ‘rubbish’ and questioning its professionalism. It’s not nice to be named and shamed amongst a community is it? Could this split personality syndrome be caused by the pressure of having to be Mr Nice in the run up to tonight’s launch party?

Such a shame when you base your business model on a community of professionals that you just can’t stand. My advice to him would be to keep taking the pills!

At the moviezzzzz

2006-03-28T12:50:00.000+01:00

Thought that you'd be interested on hearing about a leading Canadian film critic who is a notoriously loud snorer. Suffice to say, the sight of Scarlet Johnasson wasn't enough to keep his attention for too long and 30 minutes into the Canadian premiere of 'Lost in Translation' said film critic was snoring away in the back row. No one was surprised, but all those present were shocked to read the review of the film which raved about the subtlety and texture in the film and then proclaimed it a shoe-in for film of the year.

The story is all that matters

2006-03-10T10:58:00.000Z

Doing an interview a couple of months back for a internet roaming client. Conference call went really well - journo was interested and asked all the right questions. V. happy client. Called back to check with journo that he had got all he needed and if there was anything else I could do. Journo replies, "No, I have all the responses I need. Sorry if I drifted off in the middle of the conversation..." Intrigued depsite mayself, I ask why. "Well, I had my children's guinea pigs in my lap during the call, and halfway through they wee'd all over me."

Don't know whether I should be envious of the home-working or be astonished at the fact that he spent a further 10 minutes sitting in rapidly cooling guinea pig urine just to get the story...

Extras

2006-03-04T09:06:00.000Z

A colleague tells me that after a lunch meeting at which this cheeky tech hack had ordered "ver lott" with extra trimmings and guzzled an extraordinary volume of German wine, his straight-laced Amercian client was given a bit of a shock. The hack produced a selection of soft-porn which he claimed were shots of his girlfriend. Cackling with glee the hack showed the client the entire tastefully shot album, and then burbled off to the loo.
The PR returned to the office ashen-faced to recount the sorry tale only to learn from a colleague that he'd got off lightly - last time he'd been similarly entertained the hack made a case to a client that he should furnish him with the funds for a call girl... hopefully one that provided receipts. What a bad hack!

Holy Moly!

2006-03-03T20:48:00.000Z

Got my excellent weekly mailout today from the brilliant chaps at Holy Moly and it contained a lovely BadHack story about a trip to Dubai by a GMTV crew. Worth a read...and if you're not already subscribed to the mailout, I urge you to get it sorted.

Word spreads, but...

2006-03-03T09:53:00.000Z

More people have been writing about BadHack...Charles Arthur's kind words are welcome, and PR Week has listed BadHack in this week's issue as a 'notable PR blog'! Remarkable stuff.

However, our whirlwind experiment will likely come to a grinding stop very soon as we have no content! I'm not about to start making things up, so if you think this is in any way a good or entertaining idea, send a story or two to mrbadhack@googlemail.com.

Don't be afraid! Don't be a stranger!

Huey of the news

2006-02-22T12:11:00.000Z

There's a well known tale of journalist who was interviewing the MD of a very large IT company in his office. After a few minutes, the journalist says "Excuse me a second." He then picks up the waste paper basket and throws up into. Without missing a beat he says, "Sorry about that. Where were we?"

New balls?

2006-02-22T12:08:00.000Z

Working on the Borland account in the early 90s was an education. A trip to the US saw some classic antics, such as the journalist who, during a week long visit, didn't attend a single press meeting, but had tennis lessons with the hotel's professional coach every day. He then presented me with the $600 bill and asked me to pay it. The same journalist also copped off with one of the female delegates, caught a nasty rash, and wanted me to pay the medical bill.

Another Badhack mention...

2006-02-20T22:08:00.000Z

No sooner do we get blogged for the first time, we get mentioned in another blog - and it's a cracker! Neil MacLean at the Travel PR Blog gives us a mention and then entertains us with a great story of his own...it's got the lot; exotic location, hookers, champagne...travel PR sounds like the life for me.

And then - you'll never believe it - I notice yet another mention of Badhack on Andrea Weckerle's New Millennium PR blog.

What's going on? A silly idea in the pub and this is what happens.

2006-02-20T21:53:00.000Z

Badhack has been blogged about! We're very excited. And by the lovely Antony Mayfield no less (Badhack worked with Antony many moons ago).

Antony really gets it (because he's a bright bloke). Badhack's just a bit of fun! We don't take ourselves too seriously, and we'd be horrified to think that anyone else did. Of course we don't believe that all journalists are alcohol-fuelled lecherous bed-wetters with little respect for anyone. Most of them are totally professional and extremely knowledgeable. It's just funny when they slip below the very highest levels of professionalism. We're juvenile like that.

Keep the stories coming in.

On message

2006-02-17T15:42:00.000Z

There’s an IT hack who hoovers drinks at media events, overtly letches at any cleavage on display and then tries to sell his media training ‘skills’ to anyone who will listen. Including the waitresses!

The great client robbery

2006-02-17T15:40:00.000Z

My favourite was the time I took a bunch of hacks over to Brazil. Upon arrival one disappeared and only turned up four days later to catch his return flight. Turns out he spent the time trying to track down Ronnie Biggs in an attempt to get an exclusive, despite the fact his flights were paid for by my client.

It's all a bit new

2006-02-16T21:14:00.000Z

Chaps - sorry about all the funny fonts and formatting going on here, I'm still getting used to this blogging stuff.

Thanks for the contributions so far...a good first day methinks.

Some sort of teleporting machine perhaps?

2006-02-16T21:12:00.000Z

Which journalist, formerly a staffer at a channel weekly, once claimed, at 11.40am, that she thought she’d make her 12.30 lunch briefing at the (central London) Charlotte Street Hotel on time….despite still being on the platform at Birmingham New Street station (some 100 miles away)? Happily her journalistic aptitude outstripped her time-keeping skills.

Cocktail sausage anyone?

2006-02-16T21:09:00.000Z

Hold onto your breakfasts...

There was a journo who insisted on showing my client his newly-pierced (and weeping) cock, having only met her 2 minutes before.

Soiled

2006-02-16T21:08:00.000Z

There’s the one about the hack who gave in to the temptations of the hotel mini-bar one night on another press trip to the US, drank the entire contents on his own, shat himself (and amazingly all over his clothes) and appeared outside the PR’s hotel room door in the middle of the night, wrapped in a shitty sheet, asking for help in clearing up and finding new clothes.

Not smart, casual

2006-02-16T20:57:00.000Z

There was an infamously bolshy, yet curiously untalented, IT weekly hack who was insistent he be included on a media trip to the US. Way after check-in time, he eventually pitched up to the airport. He had clearly come straight to the airport from his bed, unfortunately not via a shower. He only had the clothes he stood up in (which could nearly stand up on their own) and a passport. Not even socks.

He spent the rest of the trip aggressively insisting that the PR folk looking after him buy everything from spare clothes to toothbrushes, to chewing gum, and providing him with cash to spend himself – on top of all the free food and booze which he regarded as his birthright.

Happily, the dot com bust winnowed this excuse for a journalist out of the system. Last heard of trying to join the PR industry…

Thirsty devil

2006-02-16T20:55:00.000Z

I remember the IT trade journo who turned up at a media launch event a full 30 minutes after it had finished, didn’t acknowledge anyone as he walked into the room and made a beeline for all the dregs of wine in people’s glasses. Having rapidly drained about five in silence, he ambled over to where the (American) clients were standing, open-mouthed. His opening comment was “You think you’ve had a hard day? I started the day with an argument with my bitch of a girlfriend. I couldn’t be bothered after a while so I plunged my hand into her chest and pulled out her still-beating heart.” He was quickly ushered out, grabbing at spare glasses of wine as he left.

Who's the snoozer?

2006-02-16T20:53:00.000Z

Ahh, bless...

Picture the scene…one eminent Sunday national technology journalist attends a one-on-one briefing on an exciting bit of technology (big release). After requested two cans of coca-cola the journalist then spends about 40 minutes of the next hour of the one-on-one meeting fast asleep – we're talking snoring and all. No amount of coughing or prodding could keep the man awake long enough to get something of worth out of the meeting. No apologies or explanation – and yes he wrote an article on the technology in the following Sunday’s paper and yes it held no truths and had more holes in it than a sieve. Good work hack.

2006-02-16T11:26:00.000Z

So no doubt we'll get plenty of stories about general drunkeness at press events...my personal best was a few years ago when the editor of one of the UK's two weekly network mags (now no more...the mag, that is) go so plastered that he vanished from the client event, leaving me holding his bag, jacket, wallet, phone....

We couldn't find him anywhere so left all his gear with reception at the venue (London's Cafe Royal). Only in the magazine's diary the following week did we find out that said editor had been found by a couple of London policemen and spent the night in Bow Street on a drunk and disorderly charge.

It's funny, he didn't have quite the same level of credibility with the client after the event...

2006-02-16T10:55:00.000Z

Good morning all! Welcome to the first post of the brand new and shiny badhack blog.

So what's badhack? Well it's the site that aims to strike a balance with those like the Bad Pitch Blog where concerned members of the world's journalistic community kindly help PR professionals improve their skills by highlighting where we're not performing at 100%. Merci, merci, merci! How very altruistic of you all.

But, wait a minute? Can we not help our journalist friends in a similar way? Do we not see on a daily basis less than perfect standards of writing, interviewing and general behaviour from those in the press? Wouldn't sharing these experiences help improve the overall standards of the Fourth Estate? I think it would.

This blog will be nothing without the full and enthusiastic participation of the PR industry, so please email mrbadhack@googlemail.com with stories of where journalists might have let themselves down. Of course, we're not here to name and shame individuals, so we won't be naming names of contributors or journalists.

Watch this space.